Billboards. Some places, believing billboards to be, at worst, eye pollution, ban them. Some places ban billboards because of the belief billboards provide a dangerous distraction to drivers in full need of paying complete attention to traffic. Texas is not one of those places which ban billboards. Quite the contrary. Billboards in Texas are very colorful, you can read messages from God, invitations to Gentlemen's Clubs, offers for hair removal, vasectomy reversal, nude shopping opportunities and many other opportunities. The Eyes on Texas will be cataloguing these billboards for your viewing pleasure.... 

  these photos are not clickable thumbnails  

a valuable service

A convenient ad for schizophrenics. It is not known if a drive-thru service is also offered... 

From: Dotson, Brent - OSHA 
Subject: billboards

Contrary to popular belief, schizophrenia does not have anything AT ALL to do with multiple personalities. While the term schizophrenia does mean split mind; it is a mind split from reality, not a mind split from itself. Multiple Personality Disorder is actually a form of Paranoid Hysteria.

Note from Eyes: We got the above email and guessed it was in reference to the above billboard, however the sender did not specifically say that it was.

another valuable service that you hope you never need

Having never seen this sort of service offered on a billboard before, anywhere, this billboard was an eyecatcher, located on I-121 in Haltom City, one of the D/FW Metroplexes mid-cities. The associated website, mentioned on the billboard, informed, among other pieces of information, that... "We serve all cities in the area bordered by Austin, Huntsville, Wichita Falls & Abilene, Texas; Shreveport, Louisiana; Texarkana, Arkansas; & Oklahoma City, Oklahoma..." 

The above billboard is sadly related to 
another location
a few miles to the east....

making fun of those puny states dwarfed by Texas

Sleep in the Nude

Skinnydipping in a pool is one thing.
 But the same behavior in a store just does not seem right. 

interesting entertainment in Shreveport

Perhaps when you are done shopping in the nude the place to go may be Shreveport and Bossier City where apparently Louisiana casinos have a different type slot machine than those available in Nevada. This billboard is visible on  I-20, south of Dallas. It likely won't be visible for long.

Texas Big Hair

Driving at I-30 freeway speeds, it was not easy to ascertain what this was suggesting. Speed blurred what looks to be a poodle into what seemed possibly an example of Texas Big Hair. Which actually would make a more effective ad for the Fort Worth Zoo.

Nude Bar Ad

The D/FW Metroplex has the world's highest per capita number of strippers, thousands of them. And the world's highest per capita number of what are called, in Texas Speak, "Gentlemen's Clubs".  These clubs are where the thousands of strippers work.

Texas Turkey

This may be an anti-Bush political sign from the last election.

Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal should sue

Along with "Hair Today, Thong Tomorrow" the above billboard is one of the tackiest viewable in the D/FW Metroplex.

Costa Rica is south of Texas

In Texas you are close to Central America, so you see places advertised on billboards which you don't see advertised on billboards further north.

wild Texas mountain bikers and beer

No idea what this slogan is supposed to mean, except that apparently it is intended to cause one to want to drink beer. The mountain biker being Wild on Texas seems to make sense, except mountain biking and beer don't mix well.

the greatest thrill on earth

Texas Brag? Don't know. Having seen this new roller coaster it appears that it is possible it could be the greatest thrill on earth. If roller coasters are what thrills you.

the biggest Subway sign on earth

More Texas Brag? Don't know. World's Largest Subway Sign!
This billboard is south of Dallas on the way to Houston, on I-45.

Billboard Input from one of our Texas Readers

Your billboard article is great, but Texas has caught up with everywhere else. Hwy 71 runs through scenic western Travis County, a two to three-lane road running through new suburbs. Because there is a line of commercial property along sections of the highway, billboards – some stacked one above the other –densely line the hwy (3 came up just this week). These are high signs that stand on top of the ridgeline the highway follows so they are visible from everywhere. Because they are brightly lit, they stand out as a line of very bright 30ft lights. Everyone in the suburbs gets to see the things. So it’s not funny any more. Scenic Hill country Texas is becoming a commercial clutter and our belief that commercial property rights trumps all other rights threatens to turn Texas into Los Angeles with a sense of countrified humor. No one’s laughing but the folks that sell space on those eye sores.

Scott K.
Spicewood, Texas





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